What To Do If a Bear Attacks You And All You Have Is a Knife



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  1. Some people indeed have successfully killed bears in the past with blades.

  2. Independent Bob December 5, 2017

    Glock 21, because blades are stupid and shooting twice is just plain silly.

  3. What to do depends on what kind of bear you meet. This is the rule:
    If it’s black, fight back. If it’s brown, lie down. If it’s white, say goodnight.
    And Bob, if you take a handgun into brown or polar bear territory, be sure to file down the front sight first. That way it’ll hurt less when the bear takes the gun away from you and shoves it up your butt.

    • Flossy McHookerpants December 6, 2017


    • Instructions unclear. I ended up making a vegan omelet consisting only of water.

      – BearMan

    • bears don’t take handguns away from people.

    • @BearMan, did you use extra distilled water? Regular water has microorganisms that are not part of the plantae kingdom, therefore forbidden on Vegan diet.

    • @Ursus this is racism! I’m appalled. What about the harmless vegan white bears?

  4. Anyone can tell me what meaning is ” beat the record for pre-death bear stabs which is 12 “?

    • 12-stabing-record-holder-ghost December 6, 2017

      How many times you can stab the bear after it started attacking you and before it eats you. Since everybody participating on this competition have only one try, it’s a tough record to break.

  5. Carry big club and fight back, Russians know.

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