This was genuinely funny.
“My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.”
She’s a keeper – marry her!
That health inspector probably doesn’t get many second dates. I dated a guy like that. Every time he would point out something wrong in a restaurant, I would bring up something I’ve eaten, or done, that would disgust him.
“I think this buffet leaves their food out a bit too long.”
“I once ate an expired granola bar I found under the couch.” (It was still in its wrapper).
“Omg! I just saw a moth in the dining area.”
“I ate moths on a survival camping trip. They have a nice crunch, if you roast them on a fire.”
“The hostess did not clean the coffee pitcher before she refilled it.”
“I once shared a single cup of coffee with a stranger in a locked-down airport.”
“I’m not sure this meat is actually USDA approved.”
“I bought some elk jerky from a lady in a motor home while traveling in Alaska.”
If the food is good, and the restaurant is clean, let it go. Or, maybe, just don’t eat out if you are that picky.